i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I FOUND THE LEGS
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
