he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
