my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my liver is dry heaving
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
