god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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