I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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