No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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