He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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