So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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