I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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