Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
