He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
