Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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