She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
