people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
