i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He better not be in your backpack
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
