do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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