So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
