I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
