maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
