The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Randomize
