I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
