I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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I need you to use more vowels.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
