She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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