Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize