I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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