jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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