Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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