i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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