Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
