well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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