I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
