we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
