people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
is wine microwaveable?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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