I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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