I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
