You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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