I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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