your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
