Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
