either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
