tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
