She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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