just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
