I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
