I want to have your abortion
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
