I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
