My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How naked do you want me to be?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
