I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
