Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
