Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize