Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
