u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
