dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
