She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and i looked up. we had an audience...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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