there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize