you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just had sex on a roof
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
