I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize