# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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