The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
dude. I can hear the air.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
