I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You took a bar mat shot.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
