i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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