So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
