Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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