so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
