My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
