you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
