Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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