the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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