he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
