i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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