i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
