i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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