it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
