What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
