i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
