Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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