bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
