I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
