Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
