haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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